A Very Old Tale's Ending

By -

Author's Note: An ending seemed like the perfect beginning.
_______________________________

Do not forgive for all that has unwound because I pulled the yarn when you always told me not to.

It's better that we part while we can still think back and have more good memories than bad.
To give up on you was never my intention but we both know that this is what is best for us. To leave without a word of farewell.

It'll always hurt. At least it will for me.
But I'll always be grateful for all that you've done for me. For building me up and for saving my life. But things have changed. So let me leave before I undo the things you were a catalyst to.

Let me commemorate the presence of you in my life before they criticize you for the absence of me in theirs.

Know that you did well in things in life and know that my presence wouldn't have helped you.

Don't fight the choices I made because you knew, in the darkest alley of your mind, that this would happen. I just hope that, when we bump into each other one day, you won't embrace me in all your musky self, driving me madly into the past and making me regret the decision I made today. Turn away and leave, even if I try to make amends. Remind me of the choices I made and blame me for leaving. Even if I apologize a thousand times over; never let me in again.
Remember me as the bitch who left when she said that she never would. Go away and hate me forever.
I'll love for the both of us.

Maybe  I'll check up on you. Or maybe I won't. But sadly, I'll always worry and blame and hate and loathe. Maybe I'll actually be able to move on with all that I'm doing. Trying to shear all contact when I can't even stand the unspoken hours between our conversations.
I think I got lost in my quest to find your reasons and to solve your past. Maybe I thought I could change your mind or your heart and have you let me in. Or maybe that I could alter myself to fit your specifications.
But my quest proved pointless to the walls you built around yourself and I ended up standing at the door, hoping you would let me in if I waited long enough. Maybe you actually would have. But...

Asking you to stop your addictions and to live healthier is futile. You can only change when you want it yourself.
I just hope that someday, someone would come by and make you want to change. Not to impress them or to be good enough for them but just because they made you realize that your life has a purpose and meaning too.

I'm sorry that that was never me.

It wasn't even supposed to last this long. Hopefully, I'm leaving before we get more invested in each other. 

More close would just mean more pain.

Maybe you'll be relieved when you read this. Maybe you'll be sad. Or pissed off. I used to know. I don't anymore.
And maybe one day, you'll miss me and reminisce the good days when you're half out of your senses and in a fit of hysterics, trying to showcase how much I meant to you.
Hopefully not.


I don't want this to happen. But it must.

You'll always be my first love.

                   Thank you for clearing the canopy of the woods that I planted around myself.

                -Heartlessly yours

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