Except From A Story I'll Never Write

By -
We were tangled between sheets, non existent clothes separating us. I could feel his heart beating faster over the proximity of our encounters. I got up and sat by his side, the bed spread crinkling with each swift motion. I didn't bother covering up myself anymore. What did physical vulnerability have to do with someone you've opened up to? Someone you've told your darkest secrets to and someone you loved love, even if the feeling wasn't mutual. But he kept looking over to me. Even though far from aphrodisiacal, my body was awe worthy. Far too many men strengthened that claim. But one look and his eyes raced to find mine. It was a look seeking approval. To mentally fuck me? Is that what he had in his mind?

I gave him a half hearted smile but he understood it clear enough. A sad smile overshadowed his lust. He looked away as I pulled the sheet up to my chest.
"I need you, Nate. I want to be loved. By you and only you. Or am I just not good enough? I know I won't be her but I lov.."
His hands stopped my next few words. To cheat on her broke his heart. He loved her. But that wasn't what he'd told me before, was it?

"You can't take it back once you say it."

"Why, Nate?" I asked in a whisper, too faint and lifeless.

"You're perfect, Zara. Too perfect. I can't do this. I need you. I need to hold all of you in my arms. Feel your hair's gentle fury as you lie on my chest. Feel you tremble as I trace maps to nowhere on your perfect, bare back. Feel all of this and so much more but.."

"Fuck me." I knew I sounded crass.

"What?"

"Make love to me. Have sex with me. Take me in your arms. Just.." Even I could feel the urgency in my quivering voice.

"I can't. Not without your approval. Complete and unabated approval."

"Just take me, Nate. I feel like I'm ready to make this mistake."

"Mistake? You call us a mistake?" There was a slight tone of jest mixed into those words. Or was it masked pain?

"We're never going to work, Nate. We both understand that. I know that after this happens, I'm gonna regret it. That you'll choose her over me no matter how perfect you think I am. You'll just be another mistake I cry myself to sleep over, Nathan. But right now, I need you. More than anything. So much that I'm willing to hate myself for it after you leave."

And the rest? That was when animal instincts overtook human emotions.

And he was gone. Just as she'd predicted.

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